Life lessons sometimes poke me annoyingly. I've been told I need to tell friends more often when I need help; that's true. It's easier said than done. One of our young friends, who came to Saturday's movie on the porch last night, reminded me of that. He had no idea of his 'poke', but it had me thinking today. Cesar said, "Are you ok? You look sick." He was pretty direct. I told him I was just feeling a little down...that truth was that when I had stopped at three different places and spent money, I was annoyed that no one says 'thank you'. When did 'there you are' or 'have a good day' become substitutes for 'thank you' (for choosing to spend your money here, so I have a job!?).
In truth, and I think I should have been honest with Cesar, my leg is in great pain and I want to cry. The ball on my other foot feels like I'm walking on a wadded up, twisted sock. I have doctor appts on Thursday and Friday, so I hope to know something then. The pain in walking is driving the energy from me and I feel sapped. It's more the norm for me to say 'I'm ok'. My birth family seldom went to the doctor...when I was dragged by a Good Humor ice cream truck, when another child threw a brick at my brother's head and cracked it open, when he had polio, when my mother's knee was gashed open and she had glass in her eyes from a car accident - that's when we went to the hospital. Other than that, I went to the doctor three times when I was a kid. I allowed my ex-husband to reinforce that behavior in some ways with his accusations that I complained and wasn't really sick (viral pneumonia)...a friend came and took me to the doctor.
So, I have a high pain tolerance and have to really consider when I visit the doctor. The whole point of this isn't pain, etc., but Cesar's sweetness and directness in asking about my health when he saw that there was something more obvious than I thought. I work in an environment where I feel invisible.
I could go in with a cast on my nose and most co-workers probably wouldn't notice...did you ever realize how people (and I'm guilty of it) can look at another person, but not REALLY look? Cesar looked and cared enough to ask. I hope he never loses that. He's encouraged me to do better in giving an honest reply and in really looking at people....SEEING isn't just for motorcycles, it's for people, too.
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